> From: 	Thomas, Shawn P
> Sent: 	Thursday, April 22, 1999 9:05 AM
> Subject: 	Words of Wisdom
> 
>  How many men does it take to open a beer?
>  > > None, it should be opened by the time she brings
>  > it.
>  > >    ____________
>  > > Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up
>  > a woman?  
>  > > Because a woman  who can't even afford a washing
>  > machine will never be
>  > > able
>  > > to support you.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>  > > So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't.  
>  > > There's a clock on the stove!
>  > >     ____________
>  > > Why do men pass gas more than women?
>  > > Because women won't shut up long enough to build
>  > up pressure.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > Women are like guns, 
>  > > keep one around long enough and you're gonna want
>  > to shoot it.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > If your dog is barking at the back door and your
>  > wife is yelling at the
>  > > front door, whom do you let in first?
>  > >   
>  > > The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after
>  > you let him in.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > All wives are alike, 
>  > > but they have different faces so you can tell them
>  > apart.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > I married Miss Right.  
>  > > I just didn't know her first name was Always.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. 
>  > > I don't like to interrupt her.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her
>  > intelligence? 
>  > > Divorced.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > Bigamy is having one wife too many.  
>  > > Some say monogamy is the same.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
>  > a woman's sex drive by
>  > > 90%...  
>  > > Wedding cake.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > Marriage is a 3-ring circus: 
>  > > Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > The last fight was my fault.  My wife asked,
>  > "What's on the TV?"  
>  > > I said, "Dust!"
>  > >     ____________
>  > > In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
>  > Then God created man and
>  > > rested.  Then God created woman.  Since then,
>  > neither God nor man has
>  > > rested.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > My wife and I are inseparable.  
>  > > In fact, last week it took four state troopers and
>  > a dog.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > Why do men die before their wives?
>  > > They want to.
>  > >     ____________
>  > > What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
>  > > About 5 drinks.
>  > > ____________
>  > > A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman
>  > shopping on Rodeo Drive and
>  > > said
>  > > "I haven't eaten anything in four days."  
>  > > She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had
>  > your willpower."
>  > >  ____________
>  > > Do you know the punishment for bigamy? 
>  > > Two mother-in-laws.
>  > >  ____________
>  > > Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some
>  > parts of Africa a man
>  > > doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
>  > > Dad: That happens in every country, son.
>  > > ____________
>  > > A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife
>  > wanted".  
>  > > Next day he received a hundred letters. They all
>  > said the same thing: "You
>  > > can have mine."
>  > >   ____________
>  > > The most effective way to remember your wife's
>  > birthday is to forget it
>  > > once.
>  > > ____________
>  > > First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
>  > > Secondguy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
>  > > ____________
>  > > How do most men define marriage?
>  > > An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
>  > >  ____________
>  > > Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men
>  > would go through life thinking
>  > > they had no faults at all.
>  > >  ____________
>  > > If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided> 
>  > attention to every word
>  > > you say, 
>  > > talk in your sleep.
>  > >  ____________
>  > > Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what
>  > real happiness was until
>  > > I
>  > > got married; and then it was too late."
>  > >   ____________
>  > > A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much
>  > does it cost to get
>  > > married?"
>  > > And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm
>  > still paying.